What the eye doesn’t see…
Asking myself hard questions, I sometimes ask questions of others, and I came to a particular question in trying to sort out my beliefs in my mind regarding heterosexual and homosexual sex.
Suppose one’s true love and sexual partner proposes one day that you submit blindfold to his/her loving and you do so. Fingers touch you, palms caress you, softly knead and push and twist, and a mouth embraces you, a tongue strokes you, in all the most intimate places. The result is presumably pleasurable sensation.
How does that sensation change when you discover that the hands, the mouth, the tongue belong to someone of your own gender – if you are hetero – or the opposite gender if you are gay?
Something I spent a long time wondering, because, honestly, I have a hard time imagining being monosexual. It seems very strange to me.
The answer I have now is:
When my lover brushes my arm, when I smell his soap or aftershave, it can be an intensely sexual sensation, even if another friend uses the same aftershave or touches my arm and it has no effect on me at all.
Or if my lover were to touch me in a way I enjoy, but in a context or setting when I don’t want to engage with my sexuality, it wouldn’t feel good. It would feel intrusive. It wouldn’t be “that feels good but I don’t want to now,” it would be “that actually feels bad.” The physical sensation would be unpleasant.
How does the sensation change? It doesn’t. But we can’t separate physical sensations from our *experience* of those sensations. We don’t actually feel our nerves, we feel our brain interpreting those nerve signals. And our brains care about things like “who is touching me.” Even if my nerves are saying the exact same thing, what I hear is different when the context is different. So the sum total of what we experience *does* change because our understanding changes.