Yeah, sex… and fidelity and all that. 1
There was a survey recently, the title of which suggested that ‘thinkers’ had arrived at the possibility that most women had some lesbian inclinations. I think that was it – I only read the title. Big deal.
According to the bible-thumpers and various others, you’re either a male who wants sex with women, a female who wants sex with a man or you are simply, and wickedly, ‘abnormal’. Those of us who use our eyes and ears and brains know perfectly well that those separations no longer work, that there are heterosexual males, heterosexual females, homosexual males, homosexual females and bisexuals. Some of us think the whole issue is wider than that.
Having defined myself as a heterosexual male for many, many years, it eventually struck me that there were elements of homosexuality which I could probably accept. The acts I would find most difficult to participate in are those I have, of course, been most strictly schooled against, and whether or not I could ever overcome my prejudices in that regard I cannot be entirely sure. I’m even a little old, now, to try.
A long time ago I raised a question, which was this:
Let us suppose, for a moment that, being heterosexual, you consent to enter into some bondage play with your partner. Where you do it doesn’t matter, but the kernel of the matter is that you do it and, for the duration, you are blindfolded and your hands are restrained. You can see nothing, you cannot touch in response, and no words are spoken.
Then, male or female, you receive fellatio and, in all probability, enjoy it. At the end, however, you find that the act was performed, unknown to you and at your partner’s invitation, by a person of your own sex.
Revulsion, some would say, and no doubt many would be repelled, but why? Sex acts require the use of an orifice, of saliva, of tongue, perhaps the use of lubricating materials. So is it actually going to feel any different if the practitioner is not of your own gender?
If the act feels the same, if it gives the same experience whilst you believe your partner is of the opposite sex, the revulsion presumably has an intellectual rather than a physical basis. If that’s the case, that revulsion is based entirely on absorbed ideas and beliefs which may themselves be unsound.
I’ve lost an important word, here. My brain is very tired as I write, and the word means ‘learned through stories’. My brain keeps bringing up ‘apocryphally’ and that’s not the word I’m looking for.
However, I know that I have heard that a number of women have entered into lesbian relationships quite late in their lives. Indeed, something like this occurred with my own first wife, though she was younger than the rule.
Is it happening? It seems quite likely. These are women – if the stories are correct – who have lived with men in normative heterosexual relationships until their children have grown and fled the nest. The norm, at that point, for a great many people, is a reduced sex life, sometimes an almost non-existent sex life and a life overall which has reduced to meeting the needs of the male partner. If the male partner is your average bloke, there’s probably not an awful lot of excitement in that, probably a lot of repetition of chores which cater to his needs and to the social expectations of what your home should look and be like.
Would it be so surprising if women were moving away from tired relationships with boring men, once the ties of motherhood had moved to a different level, and finding companionship and perhaps a new excitement with someone who actually, genuinely, understood their own real needs and desires?
Biology determines what we call ‘male’ and ‘female’ at the very last minute. In a very few instances worldwide it even mixes the two. But given such a last-minute change isn’t it feasible that the human brain might not make the clear ‘male’/’female’ divide at every evolution of a human being? Isn’t it feasible that we are born not of a sex but at a point upon a sexual spectrum?
I think it is.