Daughter

Daughter

 

Watching you grow

From little pink frog

To upright consciousness.

Watching you glow,

Your first smiles

Your first steps

Your first words

First sneezes, first hiccups,

Your first recognition of ‘daddy’.

Changing your diapers

Laughing

That the odorous is not odious,

Your little parts sweet

In their diminutiveness.

Giving you lifts, here and there,

Buying school clothes,

Lighting birthday candles

And blowing them out.

You all about me,

I all about you.

Your toys on the floor,

Your books on the shelves,

Your questions relentless.

Your voice a girl’s

Your choices a girl’s

Ballerina or tomboy.

Your vests and knickers small in the laundry,

Your panties, your bra,

Hanging with stockings over the bath.

Your looking in the mirror,

The coming of consciousness

That I am not the only one

Who thinks you beautiful.

And boys, then, and mistrust,

That any boy could be good enough,

That scares me no little.

Eventual acceptance,

No little worrying,

And then the big day,

If boys are your choice,

You at my side,

Music playing,

Your farewell to arms

That have held you since childhood,

Your welcome to arms

That may bring you to motherhood

And Pain.

Pictures.

Photographs and memories,

Framed in glass or framed in brain,

Everywhere.

Now almost nowhere,

For daughter, alas

You died ere they could come to pass.